


Four Scones [A Snowbaz AU]

by YourFavLocalMeme



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Baz Pitch - Freeform, M/M, Scone Shop, Scones, Simon Snow - Freeform, SnowBaz, carry on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 16:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 19,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13035486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourFavLocalMeme/pseuds/YourFavLocalMeme
Summary: Simon owns a scone shop. Baz comes in every day and buys four scones. In between, they talk about life, flirt, and eat scones.





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz meet and overall this isn't the best chapter but it gets better I SWEAR.

Simon Snow was staring at the scones in front of him, wondering if he could eat one, when a boy with a tall figure sauntered into the store. The boy had black hair that flopped over his eyes, which appeared to be a shade of grey. He walked like he owned the place, making Simon immediately feel intimidated. He stalked up to the counter and picked out four different scones, taking his time to look at them all and read the signs intently.

He pointed to the sour cherry scones. "What are those?"

"Those? They're exactly what the card says; sour cherry scones."

"I've never had sour cherry scones, or heard of them."

Simon gasped. Sour cherry scones had been what his diet had entirely consisted of when he was in high school. In fact, they were the only thing that kept him going in high school. He had found them to be a perfect comfort food. Long day? Sour cherry scones. Have a test to study for and need something to eat? Sour cherry scones. Watching that movie that makes you cry for the millionth time? Sour cherry scones. They were the solution for everything. In fact, Simon had discovered there wasn't a problem they couldn't solve, at least, none that he knew of.

"Why do you have a scone shop anyways? Why scones? Why not just a plain bakery? I mean, don't you find it odd?"

"Why would it be odd? Scones are my favorite food and I love baking scones, so I figured, why not just open a scone shop? What do you find weird about my scone shop?"

"I don't know, it's just... odd. You could have opened a regular bakery or a restaurant but you opened a scone shop that only sells scones."

"Well, yes, the point of a scone shop is to only sell scones. I mean, it's called a scone shop. Why would I sell other things?"

"I don't know. I just think it's, well, odd."

"Okay, great. Then don't come to my shop. If you think it's odd, you don't have to be here," Simon snapped.

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about... I kind of sort of need a job so I can pay my rent, and I was wondering if you were hiring."

Simon thought his eyes were going to roll into the back of his head. This stranger was the type of person who thought everything would be given to him and that he didn't have to work to get what he wanted. "Why would you insult my shop if you were then going to ask to work at my shop? Don't you realize that most employers hire people who are nice and don't insult their shop?" Simon was completely dumbfounded.

"I wanted to know why you started the place. It wasn't rude," the boy rolled his eyes. And then, surprising Simon even more, the boy began to laugh as if something about this situation truly were funny. His laugh was contagious, but Simon refused to give him the pleasure of seeing him laugh as well. The boy then went on to pay for the scones.

Simon watched him walk out, and when he got to the door, he called, "Hey. What's your name?"

"Pitch. Baz Pitch." He winked, and Simon rolled his eyes, feeling a faint blush creep onto his face.

"My name's Simon. Simon Snow."

"Goodbye, Snow," Baz said, and walked out. For some reason, that name sparked something inside of him, as if someone had called him it before, but he couldn't remember any distinct time someone had called him Snow.

Simon sighed, thinking about Baz, who bought four scones for some reason even though most people only bought one, even though people rarely came in, so how would Simon know? However, he let his mind wander to to Baz yet again, finding himself more confused than he had in a very long time. Baz was an enigma, and he planned to figure him out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz and Simon have deep, meaningful conversations about life and are just soft for each other and get really emotionally attached.

Simon was nearly dozing off the second day he saw Baz. It had merely been a day, and Simon struggled to believe the boy was so excited to see him again that he’d come back the next day, but there he was, a day later, walking into the place exactly as he had before: like he owned the place. Simon thought he’d be irritated to see him again, but a tiny part of him felt happy, like he’d wanted to see Baz. It surprised him, but not in an unpleasant way. Baz was the type of person he wanted to get to know, even though he’d never wanted to get to know anyone before. There had never been someone who seemed worthy of Simon’s interest, but Baz was different. He didn’t entirely know why he was different, or why he felt this way about a boy he had only recently met, he just did.

Baz yet again bought four scones and Simon couldn’t help but wonder why four. Why not three? Five? One? What significance did the number four have to him?

“I’m sorry if anything I said yesterday offended you.”

“Wow, really?”

“Simon Snow, do not take this for granted. I have never apologized to anyone in my life. This will likely never happen again.”

“Okay, fine,” Simon rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry as well. Yesterday was an off-day. I mean, every day is, but yesterday was even worse than most, so I guess I was very on edge.”

“Why did you open the shop? Honestly. Don’t give me the crap about how you like the food.”

“I opened the shop to… I don’t know. I mean, when I graduated high school, I was entirely broke and I figured I wasn’t really going anywhere. So I tried to figure out what the cheapest career path would be and I figured I could open a store and make scones, because scones are the thing that helped me survive my darkest times, so maybe I could introduce some other kids to scones. I don’t know, it’s dumb. I mean, clearly, no one even comes into the shop, so it’s pointless and everything is just a waste of time. And I’d go to college, but I definitely don’t have the money or the talent to get a scholarship.”

“No, it’s not dumb. That makes a lot of sense. Hey, at least you’re doing something with your life. I’m just a bum who lives in an apartment and can’t even pay rent. And if it makes you feel better, I’ve only been in this store for two days, but it’s one of the better ones I’ve been in. Maybe it hasn’t changed my life yet, but it could. You never know.” Baz winked.

Simon blushed. No one had ever talked to him like that: in such an honest way. No one was ever honest or genuine. No one ever said what they meant like Baz did. Everyone said something that meant entirely something else, and Simon could never keep up with it. He couldn’t stand that they were all fake, that they all just played pretend. But Baz was genuine and real, and he was not surprised to realize he liked that about him.

“Can I ask you something else, Simon Snow?”

He asked so genuinely that Simon couldn’t say no. “Ask away.”

“What do you want to do with your life? Like, say you could do whatever you wanted, no limits. If you didn’t have to work here and you go to college and or get another job, what would you do? Because I know somewhere in your heart there is a dreamer that still lives, even though he saw his dreams crushed right before his eyes. So, let me rephrase my question. What would you do if you could do anything in the world, follow any career?” The thing about Baz is, when he talked, his voice held such intensity that it pinned you to the ground and kept you there, making you unable to look away or ignore him. He could really see you, even if you hid who you were as best as possible.

Simon took a deep breath. He had never spoken this dream aloud, for he didn’t want to sound selfish or like he was complaining. The scone shop was what he got, and he was lucky to even have found that, so he thought complaining was pointless. “I want to, um, I’m sorry, this is really embarrassing. I want to write a novel. Like, a fantasy novel. Sort of like Harry Potter. I don’t know, forget it, it’s not like it’s going to happen anyways.”

“You’re going to write the novel. Trust me, I know you will. Maybe you don’t believe in yourself, but I do.”

“Why? Why do you believe in me when I’ve given you nothing to make you believe in me?”

“I mean, you opened this shop, didn’t you? You say you’re talentless and that you’re not smart, but obviously it took some talent and skill to open a shop, don’t you think? And obviously, it takes skill to make scones. Not to mention the fact that you basically had nothing but you still worked hard and opened up here. Yeah, maybe it’s not college, but it’s still something. You could be doing nothing with your life like plenty of the kids you graduated high school with probably are right now. You opened a store, Simon, in which you bake really amazing scones. And you know what? Screw it if no one comes. If no one comes, then that’s their fault, not because your scones are bad, because I ate four in a row last night and they were all amazing. But that’s not the point. No, the point is that you probably never thought you’d even be here today, but you are, aren’t you? So yes, I do believe you will write that novel because I do believe you are perfectly capable of doing it.”

Simon was shocked. “How do you know for sure I’ll write the novel?” He asked.

Then, Baz looked him straight in the eyes and said, dead-serious, “Because I can predict the future, Simon Snow.”

“So, what would you do if you could do anything in the world, Baz?”

“I’m already doing it,” he said, his voice earnest and vulnerable. This confused Simon. What was he doing? All he was doing was talking to Simon. Maybe, just maybe, that was what he talking about? No, that couldn't be what he was talking about. Simon and Baz had merely known each other for a day. But still, the thought left his cheeks warm.  
And then Baz started walking to the door without warning, confusing Simon even more. “Goodbye, Simon Snow.” He winked and Simon blushed. What’s with all of the blushing? Simon scolded himself.

“Goodbye, Baz Pitch,” he said. When Baz walked out, he smiled into his palms. He had only known this boy for two days, but he still couldn’t help but feeling ecstatic every time he was in his presence. But he was still a mystery, a puzzle Simon couldn’t piece together. Simon was determined to get to know Baz better and complete the puzzle. He needed to know him better, to understand him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz have a really awkward conversation. Baz grabs Simon's chin and calls him "Simon Snow" and then it gets really awkward. Also known as things crumble and hearts break.

A few days later, after giving Simon a lot of time to mull over their conversations and every detail like the weirdo he was, Baz returned. Simon both wanted Baz to be there and also didn’t; he had thought about him too many times for seeing him again to not be awkward. But he liked his presence, so he didn’t complain when Baz walked into the store that day.

However, something was different this time. This time, rather than walking in cockily, Baz walked in slowly, with shuffled feet and his head down. If Simon didn’t know better, he’d say he was nervous. And this time, rather than buying four scones first thing, Baz walked up to the counter and tried to talk to Simon.

When they had a break in conversation, Baz took a deep breath, and Simon noticed he was shaking. “Can I have a job application?” Baz asked.

“Yeah, of course. One second, I just need to go get one.” So Simon went into the back of the store, behind the counter, and grabbed an application. When he returned, Baz seemed more relaxed, relieved that Simon hadn’t denied him the application. Which didn’t make sense, because of course Simon was going to give him the application. Unless… No. Simon shook that thought from his head. He didn’t want Baz to have anxiety, because he knew how awful that was, and he knew someone as amazing as Baz didn’t deserve to experience it. Yet he also knew that often times the world gave the most pain to the people who deserved it the least, and he knew from experience that often the people who listened and cared the most were like that because they knew what it was like to lack that affection in their life. 

“Can I ask you something?”

Simon nodded in affirmation. He didn’t feel like teasing Baz today, especially not when it felt like he’d crawled into a shell.

“Did kids… Were kids rude to you in high school?”

“Why… Why would you ask that?”

“I don’t know… I just… You have low self-esteem and you seem like the type of person who’s had a rough go.”

Simon took a deep breath. “Yeah, uh, high school was a really rough time. I was in orphanages and different homes over the years because no one wanted to take a teenage boy, so I didn’t really have people who sat down with me and did homework and made me study for tests, so my grades were really bad. And, uh, kids were rude to me because I didn’t eat well and my clothes were big on me and I was different from everything else they knew, so they responded with hate. But honestly, it’s not my fault that they couldn’t accept my differences, and I’ve moved on. High school was rough and I was alone and lonely and I was screaming but no one listened to my cries, but I’m here now and I have you to talk to and I’m not alone.” He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, because for the first time, he had finally let someone see him. For the first time in Simon’s life, he wasn’t alone. He didn’t know what it was about Baz that made him feel safe enough to show him the darkest, most vulnerable parts of him, but there was something that did just that. But he didn’t mind. In fact, he loved it.

“You didn’t go to college, right?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, and I’ve said this before, but I just didn’t have the money or the grades and I figured it was pointless.”

“I went to college.” When he said it, he sounded solemn. Simon sensed a sensitive topic, but he didn’t press. If Baz wanted to tell him, he would. “I dropped out,” he shrugged. 

Baz went on to choose four scones and checked out.

“Why do you buy four scones?” Simon knew he had said he wouldn’t press, but he was curious and wanted to know.

“I don’t know… I guess I like the number four. And I really like scones.” Baz bit his lip, and Simon could tell he was lying, but he didn’t press, because even asking the question had been pressing, and he didn’t want to scare Baz away or make him run from him. He’d never really had friends before, and he couldn’t lose this one.

Simon, looking for ways to change the subject, decided to talk more about high school. “But, you know how you asked about kids in high school? Cause, um, yeah, they were rude. No one really believed in me. I’ve never really had friends, not like this. I just, I guess I got so used to being alone that I didn’t expect to ever find someone like you, someone who I could connect with and talk to. I barely talked in high school. I said the very bare minimum of what I had to. I went mute for a year, and I just didn’t say anything to anyone. So, just, the fact that you believe in me and that you want to be my friend and get to know me, it means a lot.” Simon’s voice shook.

Baz was silent, as if waiting for Simon to continue.

“And, um, um, my home situation wasn’t good either. I was living in different homes, and it changed nearly every year, so I couldn’t keep constant friendships. The only thing I had was writing. It was the only thing that kept me going those years. I don’t know, it’s dumb.” Simon dropped his chin and began looking at the ground.

Baz grabbed his chin and made him look at him. “Simon Snow, never let people shame you for what you love. That is not at all dumb. In case you couldn’t tell, I don’t have much going on for me, so if there’s something you’re good at and you love, you shouldn’t be ashamed of that.” Simon reveled at the feeling of Baz’s hands on his chin, but all too soon he took his hand away, as if he realized what he was doing. Simon felt the harsh cold on his face, the lack of warmth. It was strange, he knew, but when Baz had held his chin, it felt like something he’d been doing for years, as if it were meant to be there.

“I should leave,” Baz said, turning around to go.

Simon stood there helplessly as he watched yet another person leave his life. He didn’t know why he had gotten so used to Baz being around, why he had become dependent on it. But it wasn’t healthy. He had only known this boy for a week or so; it was pointless to become so invested in him. He should just forget the idea of a friendship. Simon was unloveable. He shouldn’t have let himself forget that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get really sad and Baz opens up. Also, the four concept gets expanded and fleshed out and we see character development within Baz.

When Baz came back, he had an application, completed and all. Simon almost hadn’t wanted him to come back after the awkward conversations last time. In fact, he’d almost given up on a friendship with Baz entirely. Well, almost. But Simon couldn’t seem to fully let go of this idea of friendship, of not being alone, especially when he had spent his whole life being alone and now someone came into his life offering him something he had wished for forever. So when Baz walked into the store that day, he didn’t roll his eyes or do anything he thought would ruin everything. In fact, he tried to be as neutral as he could.

Baz refused to make eye contact, instead staring into the glass with the scones in it. His eyes were glassy, and it looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything. He bought four scones, wincing each time he picked one up and each time Simon gave him one. He didn’t say a word, not even a thank you. Simon hadn’t expected him to necessarily be happy to see him, but he hadn’t expected him to be this miserable either. It was like when Simon had just started to see through his walls, he had put them back up, higher this time.

Baz stared at him for a few seconds. Simon counted; it was four. Exactly when four seconds had passed, Baz looked away. Simon wanted to look away, but it appeared he couldn’t. He couldn’t help but notice, up close, all of the ways Baz looked a mess. His hair was ruffled and looked as if he had spent the past few days constantly running his hands through it, his eyes were bright red, and he looked as if he hadn’t showered or changed clothes in at least three days. Simon bet he had spent four days without showering, bet he would shower on the fourth. He hated himself for thinking that way, but he suspected it was true.

Simon decided to brave saying something. “Do you want to talk about? You can talk to me, you know.”

“Have you ever lost someone you love?” Baz snapped, looking him straight in the eyes in such an intense way that he couldn’t look away.

That shut Simon up; he hadn’t, he didn’t know what it was like. He assumed Baz did, though, because he’d asked. “No,” he said meekly.

“That’s what I thought, Simon Snow,” he snapped, dropping the application on the counter and walking out.

Simon hated the idea that Baz had lost someone, but he knew it was true. In fact, even though deep down he’d always known Baz was broken, a part of him had wished that it wasn’t true. Both for selfish reasons and because he didn’t want Baz to have had gone through that. He didn’t want one of the kindest people he had ever met been a victim of the world’s pain. He hated the idea that Baz had wounds and scars, and that was why he was so nice. He hated it because Baz deserved an eternity of happiness, not an eternity of pain. So he read over the application, mulling over this boy and all of the pain he had endured, all of the strength he had gained from battles.

 

Chapter Notes: Can we appreciate that this is chapter four and I'm finally developing the four concept? Also, tbh I feel as if the pacing in this story isn't the best and I'd love for feedback on the pacing. There's a reason they connect so instantly and also I feel like Simon would be very easy to get to open up because he's been so alone and silent for all of his life so I think it makes sense that the first sign he gets of friendship he's very clingy and attached. But I do the pacing for a reason I just don't know how I feel about it. Also the chapters are short and that's because as of right now, the encounters between Simon and Baz are mainly short, so in the future they will get longer. Also, I'm hoping on doing 35 chapters for this, if that's okay?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon misses Baz and regrets getting so emotionally attached to him.

TW// Depressive/invasive thoughts and dealing with mental illness. You can skip over this chapter because it's really not too relevant to anything.

Baz didn’t come back the next day. He didn’t walk into the store with a confident swagger and buy four scones, talking to Simon all the while. He didn’t provide the only light left in Simon’s life, instead leaving him aching and hollow. But Simon knew it was unfair to think like that, to complain when Baz was going through so much worse, when Baz was probably breaking down every second. 

No one even came in, not even tourists asking for directions to the nearest bathroom. It was just like before, but this time somehow emptier, especially because now Simon knew what it was like for things to be different. He knew what it was like to laugh and feel understood, to not be alone, so this time it was harder not to have it. He scolded himself yet again for having gotten used to the warmth Baz had provided, the comfort he had given him. It had been foolish to get attached to the presence of someone he had barely known, he thought. But it was also nice to pretend for a little while, to act as if maybe things could be okay for once. It made sense that Simon would have clung to that idea, especially when he had lacked human contact for the majority of his life. He would have embraced the first sign of interaction.

So once again, Simon was left with his screaming mind, with the silence that emptied him until he was nothing but dust floating in the wind. He was left alone, and that scared him, for the screaming never came to an end; he could only succumb to it.

 

Author's note: Hey guys! I'm sorry for the feels, oops. Also, I'm sorry this was so short, but it's meant to be short. I hope you all had fantastic weeks and have a nice SuperBowl weekend (even though I don't believe in sports and am only watching for the Marvel Black Panther and InfinityWar clips).


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon calls Penny and asks where Baz is. Simon has a panic attack. (MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING for panic attack and anxiety. If reading that stuff could possibly emotionally trigger anything inside of you, please skip this chapter. As someone with anxiety, this was honestly a little hard to write and I think if you have anxiety as well it could be hard to read. Please read with caution.)

Author's note: Hey, everyone. I'd like to give a massive trigger warning for this chapter as for this fanfiction, Simon deals with anxiety and depression and in this chapter he experiences a panic attack. As someone who personally struggles with anxiety, this was even a hard chapter for me to write because it brought back a lot of memories. So if you personally deal with anxiety, it could be really hard to read this chapter and I totally understand that. If you think any of this might set something off in you, please skip the chapter. Your mental health and safety is more important than what happens in this chapter, I swear to it. And remember that you are loved and you are not alone. If you are struggling, please do not be afraid to ask for help. So many people care about you and love you. Thanks, guys. I love you. Also, on another note, the feedback you guys have been giving me means the absolute world to me and I just wanted to say that I'm so grateful for all of you who read this.

Baz didn’t come back the next day, either. Or the next. Or the next. Or the next. In fact, Simon hadn’t seen Baz for at least a week, and he was starting to worry, starting to let the darkest parts of his mind make assumptions. Every day, he waited for Baz to come, hoping he would come back, even if to just show Simon that he was okay. Simon didn’t care if Baz never came back again after that, as long as he knew that he was safe. That was all that he wanted. 

Simon figured he could call the number Baz had left on his application to get some information, to at least see if he had disconnected the phone or if he would pick up and then hang up after realizing it was Simon. So he typed the digits into his phone, letting the phone ring for a painful amount time.

10\. He only realized he’d been counting the seconds when a voice answered. “Hello?” They said.

“Hi. I’m, um, my name is Simon Snow. Baz applied for a job to work at my, er, the store I own.” He took a deep breath; the words were stumbling out too quickly as he tried to finish the call as quickly as he could. Simon hadn’t talked to someone on the phone for at least three years, not when talking on the phone caused such anxiety. “I just, well, he hasn’t come in to the store for a little while, and I was wondering if you knew where he was, or if you’d seen him. I mean, it’s fine if you haven’t, I’m just… Well, I guess I’m concerned.” Simon had never been this concerned in his entire life, and that was saying a lot. 

“My name is Penny. Oh. Right. Yeah, I haven’t seen him for a while either.” Her voice was soft, and it almost put Simon at ease. Well, almost. At that moment, Simon didn’t think anything would put him at ease except for getting out of the situation. In fact, he needed to get out, to run. He needed the world to stop spinning for a second, for it all to stop.

“Well, do you know where he is?” He snapped, suddenly irritable. The change of tone in his voice scared even him. 

“He’s out.” She said, her voice again making an attempt to be soothing. He hated being treated like a child, hated that yet again, he was a problem to be dealt with.

“Where is he?” He tried to slow his speech this time, as if to seem less scary. He didn’t want to be scary, didn’t want to be someone people tiptoed around so as not to set him off.

“I…” Her voice cracked. “I don’t know.”  
Simon hung up. He was on the verge of tears, and his head was pounding so loud he thought he’d explode, and his palms were sweaty, and he couldn’t see, he couldn’t breathe. He needed to get out, needed to escape his body, to escape this life. 

He hadn’t had a panic attack in years, hadn’t felt this way in years, and he hated himself for feeling this way. In fact, he despised himself for being so weak, for giving in to the anxiety yet again.

He needed Baz back.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz comes back. Simon asks where he was and they sort of discuss. This chapter is a mix of serious conversation and fluff.

To Simon’s relief, Baz came back a few days later. Simon was a mix of emotions: relieved that he was okay, confused as to why he had come back, and interested in where he had been. He couldn’t choose one emotion to feel, but that was nothing new; in fact, that was how his whole life had been. He had always been a kaleidoscope of emotions, torn between multiple feelings.

“Where… Um, where were you?” Simon asked softly as Baz walked up to the counter. He didn’t want to do anything to make him hate him. But wasn’t he treating him exactly as others treated him? As fragile, as someone who needed to be taken care of. He shook his head, ridding himself of that thought. He didn’t need to overthink right now.

He shrugged. Simon imagined that he was going to pretend nothing had ever happened, even though Simon had panicked the whole time. In a way, it almost made Simon angry. But he suppressed that anger because he didn’t need to be angry today, and anger meant potentially messing things up, and Simon couldn’t risk that. Not when he needed someone in his life now more than ever. Not when he couldn’t be alone now, or maybe ever again.

But he still needed to know, needed to know where he had been, even if he wouldn’t tell him. So he took a deep breath, gathering all of the little bravery he had in his heart, and asked, “What happened?” His voice sounded meek and scared, not as demanding as he had envisioned in his head. 

“Look, Simon Snow. There are a lot of things that I want to tell you, but I can’t. You have to be patient.” Baz’s voice was solemn, but it almost had a sad undertone to it.

Simon didn’t want to push any further, so he let it go. He figured when Baz was ready to tell him where he had disappeared to, he would. In fact, he figured when Baz was ready to tell him everything, he would. But now wasn’t the time. He had built up walls over the years, Simon could tell, and a few conversations about life weren’t going to immediately knock down those walls. 

“So, uh, if you really want this job… Well, I read over your application, and the next stage in the process is interviewing, so uh…” He knew he sounded awkward, and he hated himself for it, especially since in the few weeks that he had known Baz he had grown to be extremely comfortable around him. But being separated from him must have changed that, because yet again he felt like a stranger.

“Yes, Simon Snow, I will let you interview me.” He said it like you would say Yes, Simon Snow, I will go on a date with you and the thought alone made Simon blushy all over. Simon tried not to think about that because Baz was a friend and he’d barely even had friends so he wasn’t going to ruin it with feelings. 

Simon took Baz to the room behind the area behind the counter where he hung out before and after work. 

The interview went well, even though Simon was the most awkward person in the entire world. 

“So the next part of the process is going to be references.” Simon told him.

“How am I supposed to get references? I only have, like, two friends.”

“And who are those?”

“Penny and… you.” Baz blushed, and Simon’s heart skipped a beat. He was someone’s friend. He had a friend. He had never in his life believed that one day he would have a friend. In fact, there was a time in his life when he had believed he didn’t need a friend, could be just fine on his own. But now that he had someone… Well, he saw just how much that wasn’t true. People need people, if not to survive then at least to feel fulfillment.

“Okay. I will see you later, then. I’ll text you, okay?” Baz said, getting up and looking ready to go.

“How do you have my number?” Simon asked, confused.

“You called me, remember?” Baz asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh… Oh, right.” Simon nodded.

And then they walked back into the shop and Baz left, Simon watching him on his way out. 

Simon grinned. He had a friend, someone who liked him and wanted to be around him, and he couldn’t be more grateful for that. But still, he wondered what Baz was hiding. He wondered where he had gone for the past few days, and whether or not he would return. He wondered who he had lost in the past. And he especially wondered why it had felt so familiar to him when Baz called him Snow on the first day they met. Yet again, he felt the need to solve the mystery that was Basilton Pitch.

 

Chapter notes: Hey! I realize I don't really have a schedule for uploading as of right now (and I don't plan on making one because it's so much easier for me to write when I do and then just upload when I finish the chapter because it makes it less stressful) but here's chapter seven. I'm honestly shocked at how far into this story I am because I thought I wouldn't even get past chapter one but I did it. Anyways, I do have a backstory for where Baz goes and everything and I have an explanation for everything, but I need to flesh it out a little more. It doesn't matter right now because the reveal isn't going to be until like chapter 30ish or so, meaning we still have some time but I'm just thinking ahead. But I hope you're all having great weeks and I hope everything is good. I just wanted to say that I appreciate all of your kudos and comments from the bottom of my heart. I usually respond to all of them and I just appreciate all of them so much. You guys are so sweet. I genuinely do think that this is one of the best stories I've ever written and I am so extremely proud of it and it's something that I love and enjoy writing so dearly (hence, why updates are frequent) and the fact that you guys love it as much as I love writing it means so much to me. And everything and everyone in this story is so dear to my heart: I love Simon, Baz, Penny, and all of the other characters in that book, I love Carry On/everything Rainbow has written/the fandom, and writing about anxiety/depression/OCD in an honest way has been sort of good for me to cope with my own life (I have anxiety and depression, but the OCD I'm writing about through research). So I did just want to thank you guys for all of the support you give me on this work (even if it's just kudos and you don't comment). Also, sorry if that got a little long. I love you guys!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF. Simon hires Baz and they flirt and it's cute and fluffy.

The day Simon Snow hired Baz Pitch to work for him was a good day. He had already been interviewed, and he had already given Simon his references, and Simon had decided to hire him. Okay, maybe he was a bit biased, but he could also use the help and he liked the idea of spending even more time with Baz. 

Baz walked in at approximately 2:04pm that day. Simon checked. He walked in like every day: as if he owned the place. Simon had originally hated that, but he had grown to love it. In fact, the first time he had met Baz, he had found him irritating and unbearable, but now he considered him a friend, someone whose presence he enjoyed and someone who he wanted to be around constantly. 

Baz walked up to the counter, buying four scones, waving to Simon four times.

“You got the job. You know that, right?” Simon told him, watching as his face rose from the counter to face him. His eyes were a shockingly deep grey. 

“I did? Really?” Baz’s face lit up. 

Simon nodded.

“Simon Snow, I am so happy I could kiss you.” Simon blushed a deep shade of red. I wish you would, he thought. Where did that come from? He’s your friend. Simon scolded himself. He did not want to kiss Baz. It wouldn’t be bad to kiss Baz, but that was just something he had thought in the moment, like what Baz had said. It wasn’t possible. Simon had never wanted to kiss anyone, and he definitely did not want to kiss Baz. But he couldn’t help but find his eyes drawn to Baz’s lips, to how soft they looked. He shook his head.

“Can you even hear me?” Baz asked.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

“I was saying… You know what, nevermind. Were you staring at my lips, Simon Snow?” Baz raised his eyebrows.

Simon yet again felt all of the blood rush to his cheeks. “Yes. I mean, er, no. No, I was just staring off into space.”

“Sure. For what it counts, I think your lips look pretty nice too.” Baz winked. Simon felt his soul leave his body. He could die happy now. He hadn’t known how long he had wanted Baz to flirt with him for, but he liked flirting with him. It was good. And maybe he could flirt with him without a kiss ensuing. 

“Do you now?” Simon grinned.

“Surprisingly, I do.”

“Oh, surprisingly?”

“Yes, surprisingly, Simon Snow.” He nudged him in the stomach. Simon blushed at the feeling of skin on skin.

“So, Baz, should I go get your apron?” Simon teased, grinning at him, pointing to the apron he wore. 

“Sure.” Baz blushed. 

Simon came back with an apron with the logo of his store. Baz put it on, turning his back to Simon. 

Baz turned around to face him, blushing. “Can you tie this?”

Simon blushed. Touching Baz, even if just tying the back of his apron, flustered him. But he went around and tied the back of the apron, his hands remaining for a little too long. Baz turned around to him, looking both smug and flustered at the same time. 

“You, my boy, are going to try a sour cherry scone. It’s the initiation ceremony.”

Baz rolled his eyes. “You make this sound like a cult.”

“Just try the scone,” Simon said, picking up a sour cherry scone from the display case.

Baz ate a piece and faked gagging. “This is disgusting.”

“Excuse you? We can’t be friends if you don’t like sour cherry scones.”

“Guess I have to leave then.”

“No, Baz, don’t leave.” 

“Okay, I’ll stay.” Baz grinned, and a million different tiny little lights turned on in Simon’s heart. He hoped he would see that smile for the rest of his life.

Chapter Note: Hey! Happy Valentine's Day! I hope this makes up for all of the feels in the past few chapters and all of the feels that are to come. This is really fluffy and I enjoyed writing this so much; it's been my favorite chapter to write so far. Also, to anyone wondering, the scone shop is very small and you walk in and there's a counter with a case displaying the scones on them and then there's a room in the back where Simon puts his stuff and hangs out. And yes, they wear aprons, mostly so I could include that cute scene. Yet again I want to thank you guys for all of the support. Also, I'm curious, do you have a crush? And if so, tell me your stories below. I do have a crush on someone and I'm not going to say names but we were texting today and I'm kind of smitten for them. They're just ahhhh nice and they like memes and they make my heart go whoooosh and I just wow I'm smitten. Anyways, I hope you all had good Valentine's Days I hope your fav fic got updated, I hope your timeline was filled with good Snowbaz fanart, I hope your crush sent you memes, I hope you had nice dreams of a Carry On sequel, etc, etc.

Also I forgot to say this but basically when Simon zoned out and stared at Baz’s lips, Baz was flirting with him and calling him beautiful and stuff like that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon meets Penny. Penny ships Snowbaz because captain of the ship.

Simon didn’t expect Penny to have purple hair. He didn’t expect anything of her, really, but he definitely didn’t expect her to have purple hair. Her hair was a vibrant purple, as if she had dyed it yesterday. But he didn’t hate that she had purple hair. In fact, he found it cool. He envied that she had the confidence to express herself in the ways she wanted to. Simon had never had the type of self-confidence to do anything bold, especially not dying his hair.

Penny looked taken aback. “Wow. Wow. A real-live person who can tolerate Baz. I’m shocked.”

“Shut up.” Baz nudged her in the side, rolling his eyes.

“I think it’s an exaggeration to say that I can tolerate him. It’s more like I’m forced to deal with him every day and I’ve come to accept that.”

“Woah, I like you.” Penny turned to Baz. “I like him.”

Baz yet again rolled his eyes, but agreed with her. “Yeah, me too.”

Baz bought four scones, Penny looking concerned. 

“I thought you stopped with the four thing,” Penny said, looking confused and hurt.

Baz winced. He looked like he wanted to wince again, but he refrained. “I… I did. But I… I guess I reverted back to old habits. Sorry, Pen.”

Penny looked sad, rather than angry. She looked sympathetic, as if she pitied him. “It’s okay. I just… You know how concerned I get when you get like this.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll try to be better.”

Penny went silent at that, seeming to be searching for a way to change the subject. “So, uh, Simon, this is what you do for a living?” 

“Yeah… Yeah.”

She nodded. “Oh. Cool.”

There was tension crackling in the air, so deep you could cut it with a knife, so Simon searched for ways to break the silence. He could always engage them in small talk, but he had never been good at that, and he hated it anyways. 

Penny ended up being the one who broke the silence. She was staring at Simon as if she was analyzing him, trying to see everything that he was. “You look familiar. Are you sure we haven’t met before?”

“I think I would remember meeting you. So yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay,” Penny nodded, still not looking convinced.

Baz took out the scones from the bag and started eating. Simon gaped. Baz had never once eaten any of the scones in front of him. Even when he stayed for thirty minutes at a time, he had never eaten in front of him. His teeth were pointy, almost fanglike. 

“What?” Baz said, noting how everyone was staring at him.

“It’s just… I’ve never seen you eat.”

“And?”  
“I don’t know. It’s just weird.”

“Well can you stop staring for a second? Eating in front of people makes me self-conscious,” Baz snapped. Simon and Penny both turned away, staring at each other awkwardly.

“So…”

“So… Are you in university?”

“I am. I’m majoring in political sciences with a minor in gender studies.”

“Ah. That must be… interesting.” Simon barely knew anything about university, so he didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Yeah. I really like it. I take classes up at London School of Economics and Political Sciences.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah. I was planning on going to college in America after my first year at university, but then Baz dropped out and I needed to move in with him to help pay rent, so now I’m stuck here.”

“Why America?” Simon asked, perplexed. He still didn’t like this whole smalltalk thing, but he found it easy to talk to Penny, as if she wanted to tell you her life story. 

“I have a boyfriend in America, so I wanted to move there to be with him.”

“Ah. What’s his name?”

“Micah.”

Simon nodded. Baz was still eating, so neither of them turned to look.

Penny lowered her voice. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

Simon’s eyes widened and he shook his head. He had always known that he liked boys since a young age, but he also found that he didn’t like to label himself, and so he let his feelings be and went on not labeling himself. He had liked girls before, but he also liked boys. And while some people pressured him to label himself, he just didn’t feel the need. 

Penny nodded, as if she knew something Simon didn’t. “Okay. Well, good luck.”

Baz finished eating and they turned to look at him again.

“Your teeth are sharp,” Simon noted. 

“Really, Snow?” Baz remarked sarcastically. Simon blinked. Snow. When had someone called him Snow before? He knew it had happened, but he didn’t know when. It felt like it was on the tip of his tongue, but it didn’t come out.

“Snow?” His eyes widened.

Baz shook his head, as if reminded himself of something. “I’m sorry, I meant to say Simon, I just…”

Simon shook his head as well. Maybe it didn’t mean something. It was probably just a teacher or someone insignificant. But for some reason, he couldn’t help the feeling that the name Snow had meant something to him in the past. But he was probably wrong. No, he was sure he was wrong. He had to be wrong, because no one had ever been close enough to him to give him a nickname or call him by anything but his first name.

Penny cleared her throat, speaking. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to buy some scones.” She scanned over the titles, buying two different scones.

They chatted for a while more. Simon found he liked Penelope. She was easy to talk to, and she was bold. She wasn’t scared of what other people thought of her, and Simon admired that. They talked like they had been friends for years. She was just the type of person who you could have never met but you still felt like you had been best friends in a past life. 

“Okay. I should get going. Have fun,” she said, winking at Baz on the way out the door.

Baz blushed, alarming Simon.

“What did she mean by that?” Simon asked, curious.

He blushed an even deeper shade of red, intriguing Simon even more. “Nothing. Penny was just joking around. She does that a lot.”

“Okay,” Simon said teasingly. He poked him, giggling. 

And that is when Simon realized that he was in deep. That was when Simon realized that it was very much possible that he had feelings for one of his only friends in the world, for his newfound best friend. It was when he finally considered Penny’s implications, and realized that maybe he wasn’t so obvious about his feelings. It was when he realized that he was falling for his friend.

 

Author's note: Hey! I'm back from the dead. I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in so long. I don't really have a good reason, I've just been feeling really depressed lately and I haven't had much motivation to write and school is stressing me out. But I'm really glad I uploaded because I love this story with my whole heart. Also, I went to see Black Panther twice in one week and I love it so much. But I hope all of you are doing well, and I hope this fills your little Snowbaz hearts. Also, have any of you read Rainbow's Runaways comics? I preorded Volume I but it doesn't come in until April so I'm just waiting. I also watched the show and it was great (it has LGBT+ rep and I'm really excited to see her write another LGBT+ couple bc she did so well with Snowbaz in my opinion) and I want to read the original comics before I read Rainbow's. Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter. All feedback is appreciated (I get so excited when I get email notifications about kudos and comments haha). I hope you're all doing well. Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon misses Baz again.

Things were going well. In fact, things had been going tremendously well since Baz had introduced Simon to Penny. Baz seemed happier and more confident, especially in their friendship. Simon felt like maybe he was finally getting somewhere with tearing down his walls. But then everything changed when Baz didn’t show up one day. At first, Simon thought maybe he was just busy; but he didn’t show up the next day, either. Or the next. 

Every day that he didn’t walk through the doors, Simon felt himself stop breathing. He felt anxiety invade his body like a disease. He felt his hands begin to shake, all of his impulses rising to the surface as he felt the need to get out, to escape. He felt the need to escape his body. What was the point if Baz wasn’t there? Simon couldn’t help but feel like there was no point if Baz was missing from him, and he knew that was unhealthy, and it made him angry for feeling that way. He was angry at himself, for depending so heavily on this boy he had only known for a month or so. He was angry at Baz, for leaving him like this without telling him anything. But mostly, he was angry at the world for treating him like this, for making him grow up so alone that he became attached to the first person who showed him any affection.

Simon couldn’t handle his thoughts viciously swirling in his mind, couldn’t handle the lack of warmth of another person in the room, so he closed the shop for the day. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t bring himself to stay in the same stupid room if nothing was going to happen. He had closed before due to not having a reason to stay, due to no one showing up, but he hadn’t done it since Baz had started coming. Baz coming meant that there was no reason to go home. Baz coming meant that he had something to look forward to, even if it was only an hour or so. When Baz didn’t come, he didn’t have a single reason to stay. So he left. He left and he went home, where he sat for hours, empty.

He let his mind wander to Baz. Maybe he was just out on vacation or something. Nevertheless, Simon knew that was wrong. No one went on vacation every few weeks. Maybe he was doing something fun. Maybe he was doing something good. In spite of his many attempts to rationalize Baz’s disappearance; Simon still couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was happening.

Chapter Note: Hi! This chapter note is going to be a little long because I have a lot of things to update you guys on. So first off and probably most importantly, I got a beta reader. So basically, to any of you who don't know, a beta reader is just someone who reads your work before you post or publish it. Basically, my chapters will have bigger words and some better grammar I think? Also, I know I promised chapters were about to get longer, and they are, I swear, but this chapter is just really short. But the chapters are, like I promised, going to get longer because things are finally happening. Also, I'm really happy about posting this chapter because I'm finally at the 10 chapter mark, which is exciting! I said before that this story will be having 35 chapters, which I'm still planning on holding up to. Technically, there will be 34 official chapters and a prologue. However, if I find someway I could, I'd be totally down to writing a sequel, but the way I wrote the outline leaves things pretty wrapped up. However, just in my writing, even if I don't write a sequel, you will be hearing more from me, likely. I have a lot of Snowbaz fanfictions I want to write (and I'm doing a oneshot for a Spring fanfic thing; the tumblr is snowbazextravaganza and I'm entirely hype) and I just got a really interesting story idea, which wouldn't be fanfiction but I'd still love to post in here. Also, I realized that you guys know very little about me except for the fact that I love Snowbaz/Rainbow Rowell and that I write, so I was wondering if you guys would wanna do a Q&A with the author or just a lil information chapter? Obviously I recognize that this isn't that popular of a fic and some of you guys might not care about the writer, but I think it would be really interesting. Just leave a comment if you want me to do it and I will. But if you guys ever have any questions or just want to talk, you can always message me. Anyways, I'm sorry for not updating in a little while, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and I hope you guys are well.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz comes back.

After eight more days of waiting, Baz finally returned. Simon couldn’t help but notice that eight was a multiple of four; he couldn't bring it up though. He didn’t know how to bring it up. In fact, maybe he didn’t even want to know anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to know anything anymore. Somehow, deep down, Simon knew that it would only make things worse to know the truth. It would only hurt him to hear about how much pain Baz was really in. He knew that was selfish. He couldn’t refuse to hear something due to the pain it would cause him; life is painful and he needs to stop hiding.

This time, Simon didn’t ask where Baz had been. He couldn’t choose between the conflicting sides of not wanting to know and wanting to know, so instead he silenced his mind. He would decide later. Now, he had to try to make things go back to normal. Because right now, things were uncomfortable and different, and Simon doesn’t like change.

“So, uhh…” Baz rested his left arm on the shiny, silver counter. Simon went silent as he noticed a scar, making it look as if Baz had been burned. He felt a surge of protectiveness wash over him.

“What is that?” He asked, pointing to the scar.

“That… Oh, I just got what while cooking. I burned myself on the stove.” Baz explained, his speech rushed.

“Don’t lie to me, Baz. What is that from?” Simon startled himself by the directness of his words.

Baz’s shoulders deepened in defeat as he sighed. “I… I can’t tell you. There are so many things that I can’t tell you, and this is one of them.”

“Why not? Why can’t you tell me?” 

“It’s for your own good, Simon,” he snapped. But then he recoiled, as if he was shocked by his own words. He began to speak again. 

“Look, there are a lot of things that I’m keeping from you. Some of them are for your own good, and some of them are because I’m scared to tell you, but that’s a story for another day. But, you need to trust me. You need to trust that I’m doing this for the both of us and that I’ll tell you when it’s necessary. Give me time, Snow.” The way he looked at him in that moment, the way he was so close to him, made Simon’s heart skip a beat. It was such an intimate way to talk to someone, as if they had known each other their whole lives. 

“I trust you, I do. But I wish you were more honest with me.”

“Well we can’t always get what we want, Simon Snow.” Baz pulled back, leaving with his four scones. Simon solemnly watched him leave. He heard rain outside as the clouds began to darken. The sky looked gloomy and depressed, matching his emotions perfectly.

Author note: Hey guys! I'm sorry I disappeared for a while. I've just been busy with other things and I forgot to write. I've had this chapter written for a while, it just took me a while to get around to actually editing it. Summer break starts in 2 months or so, so I'll have more consistent updates. Anyways, I got to see Love, Simon recently and it was really amazing (I cried so much) and if you can, I recommend you go see it. I read the book and loved it, and I thought the movie did a really good job with it as well. I'm considering writing a Love, Simon Snowbaz AU in the future, so if anyone would be interested in that, tell me. Anyways, I did promise I would do a Q&A for this chapter, so please submit questions in the comments. You can ask about me, about the writing of this fanfiction, or anything else. Please don't ask about spoilers. You can comment or tweet me (my twitter is @snowbazsbram) with the # FourSconesAsk. I'll answer any question about the fic, Snowbaz, or me. I usually don't do stuff like this, and I hate to ask this of you guys, but please send in questions so I don't flop. Anyways, I hope you're all well. I'm really excited for April because a lot of good books are coming out and I'm pretty sure the first official volume of Rainbow's Runaways comics are coming out (which I'm so hype for) so that's exciting. Anyways, I hope you're all well.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz opens up to Simon and it's soft.

Author note: at the end of the chapter, I include the summary of Carry On by Rainbow Rowell so I wanted to start off by giving her credit for not only that quote but also these characters.

Baz returned the next day and apologized. Simon almost refused to accept his apology, but when he looked him in his eyes and saw all of the pain held there; he could feel his heart break. Looking in Baz’s eyes was like looking in a mirror; he saw all of the pain he knew he held inside reflected back at him and he knew he couldn’t bring himself to hurt Baz. Baz bit his nails nervously, seeming to push himself further away from the counter.

And then Baz spoke, and suddenly Simon became vulnerable to him just as he had been before.

“You were right. I’ve been keeping up walls, and keeping secrets. And yes, a lot of them are to protect you, but a lot of them are to protect me, too. I was too scared to tell you a lot of things, and I justified it by telling myself that I was doing it to protect you.” He paused, as if saying the words had lifted a weight off his shoulders.

“It’s okay,” Simon said, because he didn’t know what else to say.

“Let me continue. I know I’ve been shielding myself off, which is unfair because you’ve told me so much, but I want to be more open from now on. I can’t tell you everything, but there are things I can tell you that I want to tell you."

Rain pattered on the windows, almost like it was begging to come in. The wind howled. Simon had always liked rain storms. Others found them vicious, but he found that they were calming, soothing. Rain was vulnerable. It was came after the clouds held all the water inside, after they hid it all from the world. He thought it was beautiful.

“Okay. Then tell me those things.” Simon nodded. If Baz was ready, then Simon wanted to know what had broken him. This realization came with a pang of emotion. He wanted to know this boy, to truly know him. He wanted to see him without his walls, to see who he truly is, what had shaped him into the person he is today. He wanted to know everything: the small things, the big things, but most of all, he wanted to know his story. He wanted to know where he had come from. He knew he had come from the storms, but he wanted to know what sort of storm it was.

Baz came behind the counter. Simon almost objected, but he figured they needed to be close for this conversation. He figured that Baz needed another human being to support him. That’s when he noticed that he was shaking. He racked his brain for another instance of Baz so afraid of something, so unsure of himself, yet recalled nothing. He almost seemed so confident, even if broken. But maybe, deep down, maybe that was a mask to hide how scared he was.

He took a deep breath. “I hope it’s okay if I start with the little things, like my favorite color. So, here’s who I am. My name is Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, which is ridiculous, I know, but I go by Baz. I’m 19 and I dropped out of college my first year because it was too overwhelming. My favorite color is black. Those are the basics."

Simon nodded, encouraging him to go on.

“I have OCD, which is why I do everything in fours. I have to do everything in four or I freak out. It’s gotten to a really unhealthy point and honestly, Simon, sometimes I scare myself. Sometimes I get really anxious and I just can’t deal with other people. That’s why you and Penny are two of my only friends. I’m trying to get better, but I don’t know how to.”

A sob forced its way out of Baz’s mouth. Simon pulled him into an embrace and held him as he wept. He had never seen Baz this shaken up, and he hated how much pain he held inside. He wanted to help him, to fix all of his problems, but he knew he couldn’t.

“Can I ask why four?” He whispered quietly.

“My mum was murdered when I was 5. The four thing is because I was four the last full year that she was alive.” He shook and Simon felt his heart shatter.

They talked for a while more, Simon holding Baz like that, even though he was taller than him. Simon told Baz about his anxiety and depression and how crippling it had been in high school. He told him about how it had improved slightly after high school, but how it was getting worse lately. Baz told him about his dad and his stepmom, and his many siblings and stepsiblings. And then they got to the little things, like their favorite books, their favorite movies, and more. For the first time, both of the boys opened themselves up, allowed themselves to be vulnerable.

Then, after talking for a while, someone came in. He gave them a weird look, but neither of them seemed to mind.

Baz left, and Simon closed shop.  
  
When Baz left, it was at least three hours later, but Simon didn’t mind. He found he never minded hanging out with Baz.  
Simon left the cafe and headed home, noticing that the sun was shining. He noticed a rainbow in the distance. He walked slowly, not worrying about the length of his walk.

When he arrived at home, he sat down at his desk and began to type.

 

Simon Snow is the worst Chosen One who's ever been chosen.

That's what his roommate, Baz, says. And Baz might be evil and a vampire and a complete git, but he's probably right.

Half the time, Simon can't even make his wand work, and the other half, he starts something on fire. His mentor's avoiding him, his girlfriend broke up with him, and there's a magic-eating monster running around, wearing Simon's face. Baz would be having a field day with all this, if he were here — it's their last year at the Watford School of Magicks, and Simon's infuriating nemesis didn't even bother to show up.

End note: Hi guys I'm back! I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in so long. I hope you're all doing well. This was a really great chapter to write and it reminded me why I love to write because I got to write about this boy sharing his insecurities with someone he loves and tbh that was so special to me and I put a lot of my heart into this chapter and it's definitely my favorite chapter I've written so far so I really hope you guys like it and I hope it was worth the wait. I also wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who actually sticks with my awful uploading schedule and who has taken time to read this fic because I genuinely appreciate it so much. I love Carry On and these characters so so much and I decided I wanted to explore the world further by writing a fanfiction and it's something that's grown as I've written it and it's something I've become very, very invested in and proud of. I hope you guys love this story as much as I've loved writing it and I hope you love this chapter as much as I loved writing it. I also thought I'd speak a bit about what I plan to do after I finish this fic (because it is a little while away, but...) I know I promised I was going to continue writing Snowbaz fanfiction and I really want to but I have a lot of ideas for wlw stories that I want to develop so I can't really say whether or not I will continue writing Snowbaz fic right away. But I am working on a one-shot for a little Snowbaz Spring thing that you guys should totally check out and support when it comes out! Anyways, thanks. I love you guys!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz and Simon eat dinner together.

It was 6:00 on a Friday night, and Simon had nowhere to go for dinner. He could cook, but not well, and there were no leftovers in his fridge. He decided to call Baz. Maybe it was stupid, or maybe it was instinctual, he didn’t know. 

The phone rang four times until he heard Baz’s voice pick up. “Hello?”

“Hi…” Simon took in a breath. He wasn’t good at this, this whole talking to people thing, especially on the phone. But he wanted to try, for Baz, for himself. He needed to try. “So, I…”

Baz interrupted. “I was actually just wondering if you’d want to come over for dinner sometime.”

Simon froze. Was Baz asking him out on a date, or was he just being friendly? He shook his head. No, Baz doesn’t like me as anything more than a friend. Also, even if he does, he doesn’t know I like guys. He’s just being friendly. Simon knew he should believe this, even if a desire within him wanted to believe something else. Baz was just being a good coworker, a good friend. That was all.

“If you don’t want to, that’s totally fine. I understand if you don’t want to hang outside of work,” he said, which made Simon realize he must have been silent for too long.

“No. I-I’d love to. Does tonight work?” 

“Yeah. I’ll send you my address.” At approximately 6:10 pm, Simon’s phone chimed with a text from Baz, and he got into his tiny blue car that was so stuffy that it made him feel trapped as he began to drive.

When he arrived outside of Baz’s apartment, he heard conversation. Someone else must be home. See, he told himself, it isn’t a date. His roommates are here. He hoped that Penny would be there. He had only met her once, but she was very sweet.

Baz opened the door, and Simon walked in to see two girls sitting around a humble brown dinner table. One of them was Penny, whom he was glad to see, and the other was a skinny girl with long blonde hair and round blue eyes. 

“Simon, this is Penny’s friend Agatha.” Baz nodded to the blonde girl and Simon went over and awkwardly shook her hand. He didn’t know why, but she looked familiar. For some reason, he felt a surge of resentment towards the girl. From what he could recall, he didn’t even know her, and yet she had already gotten on his nerves.  
He moved and sat down. The room went quiet. Simon guessed they didn’t use the table much by the amount of dust on it. He didn’t know why they were using the table with him. He ordered takeout nearly every night and panicked when he had to talk to the people. So it wasn’t like he lived a very refined life either.

The only sound was the noise of their chewing. Simon quickly finished his pasta. He noticed that Baz only took four bites, and felt a squeeze in his heart. He wanted to point it out, but he didn’t want to make Baz uncomfortable. He knew he would talk about it when he wanted to, and he didn’t want to force him to talk about it just yet. He also knew that it had taken a lot of courage and trust for Baz to open up to him the other day, and he didn’t want to push too hard, because he knew that any attempt to pry would only send Baz back into his shell. 

Eventually, Simon caught Agatha bitterly staring at him from across the room. He wondered as to why they both seemed to dislike each other when he was positive they had never met before. He wasn’t prone to hating people, and he didn’t really know why he felt something close to hate for Agatha.

After a silence that felt endless, Agatha stood. She said goodbye to Penny, glared at Baz, and then walked out. Simon tried not to let it bother him, but he couldn’t help it.

They were silent for a few minutes after that, until Penny sarcastically said, “Well, she seemed very happy to be here.”

Simon nervously burst out laughing. They all laughed, attempting to break the tension.

Soon, Simon and Penny were having natural conversation. He was asking her what college was like, and she said it was stressful and that most of the kids got on her nerves. She asked him what it was like to own the shop, and he said that it was anticlimactic seeing that very few people actually came in or knew about it. Eventually, she started talking about her gender and sexuality studies course, and Simon perked up. She talked about the things they teach and said she found them fascinating.

Simon liked talking to Penny. She was easy to get along with, and she had such an interesting perspective on the world. He found it was easy to make conversation with her. 

When Simon looked at his phone, he noticed that it was ten o’clock. Penny also seemed to notice.

“Alright, I think I’m going to head to bed. Goodnight.” She got up and left, and to Simon’s notice, he was alone with Baz. 

It was silent for a good five minutes. Simon felt his body tense up. He didn’t know what to say, how to do this. For some reason, Baz both made him feel at ease and nervous at the same time in that moment. Eventually, he cleared his throat, but then he couldn’t think of anything to say, so he remained silent.

“So… This is the first time we’ve hung out outside of work,” Simon finally commented, breaking the silence.

“Yeah. It’s nice,” Baz said timidly.

For a moment, Simon feared that they didn’t have anything in common outside of the shop. What would they do if they didn’t? Would they remain only coworkers? Would it be tense when they saw each other at work? 

“I thought…” Baz paused, as if contemplating whether or not to say this. Simon nodded, urging him to continue. “I thought you weren’t going to want to hang out with me after you saw what a mess I am. I was scared I was going to lose you.”

Simon felt as if someone had stabbed a needle into his chest. He examined Baz to see if he was serious. He was, which only made it more painful. He didn’t understand how someone so wonderful as Baz could believe he would abandon him. He couldn’t understand it because Baz was fantastic, but he also recognized that he had been there too. When Baz had gone missing, he had constantly feared that Baz had decided that Simon was too much of a loser, to be broken to be around. 

Simon grabbed his hand. “I would never have abandoned you. Not even if you told me to. I could never bring myself to do that.” And as he said those words, he realized just how true they were.

Author note: I know it's been a while but Rainbow announcing Wayward Son inspired me to post! Also Wayward Son is making me so shook and happy. I've literally been waiting for that to be announced for three years so I'm pretty happy. I know I already have a lot of theories about the novel so I was wondering what your guys' are? Comment below. (Also just in general fangirl with me over the fact that she finally announced it and how GOOD the art is and how GREAT SIMON AND BAZ LOOK!!!!) Hope you're all doing well. School is over this week for me so it's likely I'll be updating more frequently (I can't promise anything, but I'm hoping).


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz marathon Star Wars and Simon sleeps over.

About two hours after returning from a long day at work, Simon’s phone began to ring. Despite his best intentions, his heart caught in his chest. He had never gotten used to people calling him. It was weird, and it still gave him anxiety. There was too much vulnerability on calls; someone could hear your voice crack or hear all of the things you don’t want anyone else to know. But when he read Baz’s name on his phone, his anxiety eased a little.

“Hey. So, uh, Penny isn’t around, and I have all of the Star Wars movies set up for a marathon, so I was wondering if you’d want to come over?” Baz stuttered a little.

“Yeah. I’d-I’d love that. What time do you want me to come over?” Simon asked, trying not to sound overly eager.

“Actually… I was thinking you could come over now.”

“Yeah. Okay. That works.” 

Simon tried not to think about the fact that he was going to be alone in Baz’s apartment watching a movie with him, but he couldn’t help it. In fact, why was Baz inviting him over lately? Didn’t he have other friends to hang out with? Friends who don’t get panic attacks every time they don’t know where someone is.

No, he told himself. Baz likes you, at least as a friend. He wants to hang out with you, Simon.

He tried to shut his mind down as he began to walk down the block. Instead of letting his mind roam, he tried looking around, taking notice of the world around him. He could see Big Ben from far away, chiming six times. He kept putting one foot in front of the other until he appeared in front of Baz’s brick apartment. Vines climbed the ancient building and brush surrounded the foundation. Simon thought the shrubbery added character to the building, but Baz just thinks it’s a nuisance. 

He rang the bell for room 61, waiting for Baz to beep back to let him in. When he heard the beep, he walked in and up to Baz’s apartment. Simon’s palms were sweaty, and his heart racing. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. But this time, it wasn’t due to an imminent panic attack. This time, it was exhilaration that was making him feel this way.

Baz opened the door, and he looked good. Really good. His black hair fell over his face in waves. It was extra curly, and Simon fought the urge to run his hands through it. His grey eyes were more blue-green than anything else, and they were staring at Simon with such intensity that he felt heat begin to creep into his cheeks. His lips were the normal grey with a tint of pink color and Simon felt his eyes begin to gravitate towards them, but he quickly stopped himself. Baz always looked good, but somehow, in ways that Simon didn’t even believe possible, he looked better today. It was almost as if he’d prepared himself for this. Simon suddenly felt inadequate in what he was wearing. He’d just thrown on a hoodie and jeans.

Baz let him in. He had popcorn and various junk foods thrown on the couch. He also had various sodas around. For the first time, Simon actually felt excited about doing something social. He sat down and Baz put the movie into the disc. The television lit up.

“I actually… I only have one blanket and I forget to tell you to bring one blanket, so I guess we could share if you want?”

Simon again felt himself blush, but he nodded.

“I’ve seen this movie about a hundred times… I used to watch it obsessively as a kid,” Baz said.

“Me too. I’d see it in the homes. I literally know every line.”

They both began to sing the theme song together immediately when it started, completely nerding out together. And then the magic started.

“Okay,” Baz started. “But Han Solo was and is a bicon. He was in love with both of the Skywalkers, you can’t tell me otherwise.”

Simon laughed. “You are absolutely right.”

“I had a very intense crush on Han Solo as a kid. All of the boys were talking about Princess Leia, and I just wanted to kiss Han Solo,” Baz admitted.

Simon felt himself take in a breath. Did Baz just admit that he liked boys? Simon had figured, but he’d never said it out loud before. His heart began to pound, but he quickly reminded himself that just because Baz likes boys, didn’t mean he liked him.

“I think I wanted to kiss both,” Simon said.

“Oh really?” Baz looked at him with such a softness in his eyes that Simon began to melt. 

He nodded, and then they went back to watching the movie, unnervingly close. Simon could still feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Eventually, after hours and hours of reciting every line, Simon fell asleep. This moment in his life was one of the few moments the boy had ever felt safe. Here he was, lying in Baz’s arms, sleeping soundly. For once in his life, everything was good.

Simon woke to the sound of Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Wow, he thought to himself, I must have been asleep for a while.

He kept his eyes closed, still trying to rest. He hadn’t known how tired he was until he fell asleep. On normal nights, he didn’t get much sleep. Anxiety and self-doubt kept him awake until he was sweating. And then when he did sleep, he had nightmares. Nightmares of losing everything, including the one he loved. But that night, he didn’t have nightmares. In fact, he dreamed. He dreamed about a world full of peace, full of a mind that didn’t scream at everyone. A world full of love.

At some point, he thought he felt lips brush against his hair. It was soft and he felt his heart turn into goo.

He must have fallen asleep again, because he woke up later, convincing himself that the lips he thought he felt brush against his hair was a dream, a fragment of his imagination. Baz was off the couch, and he heard light conversation coming from somewhere. When he got up, he walked into the kitchen to find Baz and Penny laughing. 

“G’morning, Simon,” Penny said.

“Morning,” he said sleepily, running his hands through his hair. 

She laughed. “You might want to… brush your hair.”

He found a mirror in the bathroom and fixed his hair.

“So, how was Star Wars?”

“Well, I fell asleep midway through, but I’ve already seen the whole franchise, so it’s fine.”

“Good because I think Baz would stop talking to you if you’d never seen a Star Wars movie before. He’s a little obsessed with that franchise. But who isn’t, am I right?” She feigned whispering when she said obsessed, and Baz jokingly gasps.

“Don’t worry, so am I.” Simon said. Baz gave him a smile that could end wars.

Simon talked to Penelope for a while about different things. She was definitely his favorite of Baz’s friends that he’d met. Penny was easy to talk to and made you feel welcome in mere seconds. She was a bit of a strange girl, but in a good way. Her parents were both professors, he learned, explaining why she was so smart. He asked her why she dyed her hair purple, and she explained that she just did it on a whim. He wished he could have the confidence of this girl.

“I should… I should go. I have to clean up my apartment,” Simon explained sadly. He didn’t want to leave, ever, but he thought he should.

“Hey, no. Stay for breakfast at least,” Penny told him, and he felt bad refusing the offer, so he nodded.

Baz was attempting to make pancakes, but soon they both heard him saying a slew of curses. Penny walked up to him to see what was going on.

“I think we should make a rule that you are no longer allowed to make anything except for easy, microwaveable foods,” Simon heard Penny saying. He smiled to himself. 

“Excuse me. I’m not the one who almost burnt the house down making tea in the microwave.”

“It was one time, and you still won’t let it go.” 

Simon felt a type of calm in his chest. This was what it was like to have friends, to have a family. This was what it felt like to belong.

He walked into the kitchen only to find the two laughing as Penny began to pour mix for a new batch of pancakes.

“Can I help?” Simon asked.

Penny shook her head. “It’s fine, I’ve got it. Plus, ever since I started living with Baz, I learned that I can’t trust other people to cook.”

Simon cackled at that. Baz grimaced, embarrassed. 

Penny continued putting the mix onto the pan. The mix made a satisfying sizzling noise as it touched the heat of the pan. 

“So, do you know what you want to be after college?” Simon asked Penelope.

“I’d like to be a campaign manager for a politician. And eventually, I’d like to run for office,” Penny responded.

“That’s really cool. I think you could be a really good politician.”

“Thank you,” Penny said, turning smugly to Baz, who groaned.

“Don’t feed her ego.”

“Shut up, Baz,” She said, jokingly pushing him.

After a few minutes, Penny had three pancakes made.

She turned to Simon, “Do you want syrup?”

He nodded. 

They all sat down at a round table. Simon usually didn’t sit down for breakfast, but this was a welcomed change. 

“Baz is literally the worst cook ever. I can’t even count on one hand the amount of times he almost burned the building down. It’s chaotic,” Penny ranted.

“Okay, but Penny almost burnt the house down making tea. In the microwave. And that’s why we have a kettle now.”

“I can’t believe you still won’t let that go. That was almost a year ago.”

Simon watched amusedly as they bantered bantered back and forth. There was a steady cadence to their conversation. He liked it. And he not once felt like he was being left out or like he couldn’t understand their conversation.

“Simon, you should teach me how to make scones some time,” Baz said, pointing his fork at him.

“As long as you promise not to burn anything down,” Simon said.

“I can’t promise anything,” he replied, rolling his eyes. Penny giggled, agreeing with him.

“Okay, fine, I’ll try to teach you. But it’s a pretty complex recipe, you might not get it,” Simon said sarcastically.

They continued eating, laughing between bites. They kept laughing about new things. Penny told Simon a lot of embarrassing stories about Baz, like the time in middle school he borrowed his sister’s dress to be a fairy for Halloween. He was 12, and not the best at decision making. And she told him about that time he pushed someone he was crushing on down the stairs. Simon laughed a lot at that one, but Baz looked profusely embarrassed. 

“Baz was the most embarrassing person ever. Has he told you about his emo phase?” Penny asked.

Simon shook his head, intrigued.

“He was so emo. He wore all black and stayed inside all day and listened to My Chemical Romance. He borrowed my eyeliner. My eyeliner, Simon.”

Simon started laughing to the point where his laughter rendered him bent over his plate. 

He liked this. Sitting with two people, laughing and talking about embarrassing childhood stories. He felt like he belonged.  
After eating, he got up to leave, thanking them profusely for breakfast and letting him sleep there. He hugged Penny. When he hugged Baz, his heart pounded.

As he walked home, he couldn’t help but thinking about his dream of a kiss on his forehead. It had to have been a dream. But he couldn’t help to wonder… what if it wasn’t?

 

A/N: So I'm back after a long time!! I'm really happy to say that this is officially the longest chapter in Four Scones. It's also really fluffy and the next two chapters or so are also going to be super fluffy because after that it goes a little bit down hill. Anyways, thanks for keeping up with this fic; I know I'm not the best at consistent updates. I actually wanted to give a quick book rec because I recently read Running With Lions by Julian Winters which is an extremely soft mlm romance and if you ship Snowbaz, I highly reccommend it because it's a friends-enemies-reluctant friends-lovers trope which is really interesting to watch.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon comes to terms with his feelings for Baz and it's another cute, fluffy chapter.

After many sleepless nights, Simon finally came to terms with something he had been unconsciously struggling with for months: he had deep feelings for Baz, one of his only friends. He absolutely hated it. How could he have feelings for one of the only people he had ever been close with? One of his greatest fears in life was losing the two people he had (Baz and Penny), and having feelings for one of them could surely do that. Thus he decided to do what he was best at: push his feelings down and ignore them. That way, he wouldn’t ruin his friendship with Baz, which telling him about his state of infatuation would surely do.

He tried to erase the thoughts from his mind as he approached the scone shop. Feelings for Baz were not going to stop him from enjoying this day. Entering the scone shop, he shook his head, attempting to remove the swirling thoughts in his head yet again. I can do this, he told himself. If I could pretend things were normal before, I can do it now. Nothing has changed.

First thing in the morning he would go back behind the counter to the kitchen to grab a fresh batch of scones and put them on the counter. He would sell maybe one or two of the seven that day, which was the usual. He had no idea as to how the scone shop was still making a profit.

When Baz walked in, Simon struggled to remain calm as he immediately felt his stomach fill with butterflies. His mind went blank at the sight of Baz’s hair falling over his face. He was wearing jeans, black skinny jeans, and Simon hadn’t seen them before.

“You’re - you’re wearing jeans,” Simon said awkwardly. He facepalmed, blushing. He had told himself he would be normal around Baz, and he was already messing up. 

“I am,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Have you not seen me in jeans?”

Simon internally groaned. “I have… I just- they’re new.”

“They are,” Baz agreed, chuckling to himself.

Simon tried to change the subject, but Baz refused to get over his shock at him in jeans. It was mortifying. In fact, it made Simon want to leave the country and change his name. Maybe instead he could just close the scone shop down, but he refused to do that. That would be giving into the people who told him that his dream of opening a scone shop was stupid.

“So… when are you going to teach me how to make these scones?” Baz asked, grinning at him deviously.

“I would… but then I’d have to kill you.” Simon winked.

“Is the recipe really that special?”

“Oh, of course it is. I’m hurt that you would think any less of me!"

He pretended to be offended, putting his hand to his heart jokingly.

Soon, a woman with strawberry-blonde hair and blue eyes walked into the shop. “Excuse me, do you have a restroom in this bakery?” She asked.

“It’s a shop, you fool,” Baz shouted, but she looked fearful. Simon giggled.

“I-I’m sorry… I just wanted to know if there was a bathroom?” 

“There isn’t, sorry,” Simon said, holding back laughs.

She left, and they both began to laugh until they couldn’t breathe. Before Simon realized, they were just a breath apart. For a second, he considered kissing him. He wondered what it would feel like to kiss a boy: he had never done that before. But he stopped himself; he couldn’t be thinking like that. Baz was his best friend, and he didn’t even know if he felt the same way. In fact, he probably didn’t feel the same. Simon didn’t think it was possible for anyone to have feelings for him. His hair was about as messy as his emotional state, and he had moles and freckles scattered all over his body. He had no clue how to dress himself and wore baggy sweatpants a lot.

“So,” Baz began. “How about that scone recipe?”

Author note: Hey guys! I'm back from the dead, aha. Anyways to those of y'all who didn't know, I'd lost my laptop charger before, but we just got a new one so I'll probably be updating more frequently. Also, I kinda planned out the whole backstory thing, so I worked that out (finally). The next chapter is going to be fluffy, but after that it's go a little downhill, so prepare yourself now. But how are you guys?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz make scones together. Also, Simon begins to show Baz the novel he's been working on [which is essentially Carry On].

For the first time since they had met, Baz Pitch was on his way to Simon Snow’s house. He had invited him to make scones, but now Simon was regretting it. The last time his apartment had been cleaned was over a year ago. Currently, Simon was bustling around and trying to pick up everything in his sight. He was still unsure of how Baz was going to react to the absolute mess that was his living space. 

It was Saturday, and Baz would be coming over in exactly four minutes; at 12:04 PM. Simon had agreed to teach him to make scones, as Baz had argued that since he had been working at the shop for a few months now, he should be able to help make the scones. Accordingly, they had arranged a date. Well, not a date, even though Simon wanted it to be one. He knew logically that it would never happen, so he was fine with settling on a friendly get-together. 

Finally, Baz walked into Simon’s apartment. He looked a bit bedraggled, his hair flopping over his face in wavy curls and his eyes having bags under them. Simon wondered if he had gotten any sleep the night before, but hesitated before asking. Invading Baz’s privacy was the last thing he wanted to do, and he knew that if it was really important, he would tell him. 

“Are you… are you okay?” Simon was surprised to hear his own voice.

Baz shrugged. “I’d rather not talk about it. If that’s okay?”

He nodded. If Baz didn’t want to talk about it, that was fine with him. But yet again he wondered if he was running from the truth, letting Baz evade his questions because he feared what the answers may be.  
They soon grabbed dough from the fridge and began to make the scones. Simon had always loved making scones. There was something relaxing about it, and you always got to see the end product. He soon began to tell Baz this.

When he was done, Baz looked at him in awe, in a way he had never looked at him before. Simon felt heat rushing up to his cheeks. “That’s really beautiful, Snow,” he muttered under his breath, so soft that it felt like only the two of them in the world. 

“Snow?” Simon asked. Baz had called him Snow only once before, and just like now, that moment had caused a flash of deja vu. He had been referred to by his last name before, but it was a memory so distant that he could not reach it. 

“Sorry… I, uh… I don’t know what I was thinking,” Baz said, and he turned away. His reaction was so strange that Simon wondered about it. 

They were making sour cherry scones, so they began to add the cherries into the dough. Baz was struggling with adding the cherries to the four scones he was making, and Simon placed his hand on top of Baz’s and helped him to knead them into the mixture. He soon felt the heat of another's hand beneath his, and he found he enjoyed it. In fact, he found that he never wanted to let go. There was a moment of silence, and Simon brought his hand back.

“Okay, let’s put these scones into the oven.” He looked at Baz, jokingly saying, “Try not to burn the apartment down.”

Baz rolled his eyes. “It was one time.”

“That’s not what Penny said.”

“And you’re going to believe Penny over me?” Baz teased.

Simon nodded, putting the entire tray of scones into the oven. “I mean, I think she’s a bit more trustworthy,” he said jokingly. Baz laughed, but it was awkward for a few seconds.

They soon began to get bored while waiting for the scones.

“Actually… You know how you said I should start writing a novel? Well… I kind of did. It’s a bit based on myself, but…”

“I’d love to read it,” Baz responded immediately. 

Simon was taken aback by the determination in Baz’s voice. He didn’t even know anything about it, how was he so sure he would like it? 

Simon went to his room, got his laptop and pulled up what he had so far. He only had 50 pages so far. The story focused on Simon and Baz, whose names he would change later. They were both wizards at the Watford School of Magick. Simon was the Chosen One, and Baz was a vampire. They were sworn enemies, and it was Simon’s last year at Watford and Baz hadn’t shown up. For some reason, the story resonated deep down with him, even though he knew it was solely fiction.

Simon went back into the kitchen and sat down at the all black table, putting his laptop in front of Baz. He was embarrassed. In his novel, Simon and Baz were lovers. He only hoped Baz wouldn’t get that far today. 

As soon as Baz saw the description, his face went blank. He looked at Simon, gaping. “You… you wrote this?” he asked Simon.

Simon nodded, confused as to why Baz was rendered speechless.

“So…” Baz lowered his voice, as if sharing a dirty secret. “You remember?”

“What are you talking about?” Simon asked, taken aback. He didn’t remember anything, he was solely writing a piece of fiction. 

Baz grabbed his stuff quickly and got up to leave. “Actually, I should go. I forgot, I have to do something with Penny today. We’re cleaning the apartment.” He walked out, moving faster than Simon had ever seen someone move.

Simon was left sitting alone in the darkly lit room, wondering what had just happened. Why had Baz been so shocked to read what he had written? And what was he supposed to remember? He couldn’t figure it out. 

He almost missed the timer go off to alert him that the scones were done. He took them out to let them cool and continued to ponder what Baz had just said. Maybe he had misheard him. He surely couldn’t have said what Simon thought he’d said. It simply didn’t make sense. Why had he taken off like that? Why was Simon’s manuscript so shocking to him? And why did being called “Snow” render something so deep inside of him? 

He bit into his scone, trying to take his mind off of it. The scone tasted burnt. The irony nearly killed him.

Author's note: Hey guys! I was on vacation, but I'm back, so I'll be updating more. Anyways, just wanted to warn you guys because the plot is really picking up, as we see in this chapter. Haha, do any of y'all have predictions? Also, I realized I was gonna do a Q&A and I never did, so sorry. And I've also been thinking about writing fanfiction that isn't Snowbaz-related? So I've been reading Harry Potter and I'm on the 5th book (so don't spoil things oof) and I very very highkey ship Drarry. So I had a Drarry concept idea and I wanted to ask if any of you guys would read something like that if I put it online?? Anyways, hope you're all doing well!


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz goes missing again, and Simon has a panic attack. [Trigger warning for panic attack]

Author note: I just want to start this off with a trigger warning for content due to Simon's panic attack. Honestly, I had to take a break from writing this chapter today because I usually put a lot of personal experience with anxiety into writing these scenes, which can take an emotional/mental toll on me. I'm fine now though, so please don't worry about me. I hope you're all doing okay! The story is definitely starting to pick up more and more now and you're going to learn more about Baz's situation soon. 

The day after Baz’s alarming exit, he did not return to work. At first, Simon assumed it was because he didn’t want to face Simon after his reaction to his story, but eventually four days had passed and he figured Baz was missing again. His thoughts begin to drift further and further into a dark place, and it scared him.

The day he realized that Baz was missing again was not a good day. Rain pounded outside of the shop, and thunder and lightning could be heard everywhere. Simon wasn’t frightened of the rain, but the weather that day seemed like a bad omen.

He could feel his breath quicken in pace, and he commanded himself to stop. He needed to stay in control. Just for one day, he needed to be in control of his mental state. For Baz. For Penny. And most importantly, for himself. He took deep breaths and attempted to calm himself, but he failed. He had that feeling in his stomach: the twisting, turning, almost painful feeling like he was going to be sick. 

He suddenly realized how without Baz, Simon was incapable of going on alone. Baz had become his stability, his lifeline. How was he supposed to function without him? He gripped the counter tightly, his heart racing at a million miles a minute. At this point, he wouldn’t be surprised if his heart pounded out of his chest. 

During times like these, his mind wasn’t sensible. But he knew there was someone he should call, he just wasn’t sure who. He thought it over for a minute. 

_Penny._ Penelope, that was who he should call. Penny was stable, caring. She could help him.

With shaking hands, he fumbled through his pockets for his phone and began to dial her number. His palms were sweating, and the phone almost dropped out of his hand, but he tightened his grip.

The ringing stopped, and Penny’s voice answered. “Hello? Simon? Are you okay?”

“Yeah… I… I’m… I need you… you to come over here. Now.” His voice squeaked. He hoped he wasn’t bothering her too much. Being a bother was the last thing he wanted. 

“Okay. Okay, Simon. I’m on my way. Where are you?” Her voice was gentle, as if guiding him through this.

“I’m at the shop.” He felt tears fill his eyes, but he blinked them back.

“Okay. Okay, I’ll be right there.” And then the phone went silent.

It felt like forever before Penny arrived. She rushed into the store, looking concerned, and Simon felt a rush of gratitude.

“Hey, Simon. Are you okay? Do you want me to do anything for you?”

“Actually… Can you take over the shop for the day? I think… I think I need to rest,” the voice that left his mouth didn’t sound like his own.

“Of course. Yeah, I can do that.” She hesitantly gave him a hug, and he allowed himself to enter her embrace. He took a deep breath. He was going to be okay, he had to be.

When he got back to his apartment, he took a few deep breaths, trying to lower his heart rate. The knowledge that he had to call Baz eventually sat with him, but he ignored it for now. Right now, he had to calm himself down. He closed his eyes and breathed before opening one of his favorite novels on audiobook on his phone. Plugging his headphones in, he sighed, relaxing. Listening to audiobooks had always been able to calm him down. He used to do this after a stressful day at school. There was something about the voice of the narrator that was familiar, inviting. He soon felt himself dozing off to sleep….

When Simon woke up, he paused the audiobook and opened his contact list, clicking onto Baz’s. He felt his breath hitch, and stopped himself. He was not going to freak out over this.

He heard the phone ring, and eventually the call went to voicemail. He tried again. Maybe Baz was just waiting for the fourth call to answer. So he tried again, and again, until it was the fourth time he was calling him. When the call went to voicemail once again, he felt his heart rate rise in fear. What if Baz was in danger? What if he couldn’t reach his phone because something bad had happened? Simon didn’t know what to do without Baz, and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.

Shutting off his thoughts, Simon began to replay the audiobook. He listened to the voice narrate the story of a young wizard who was chosen to defeat an evil wizard, and found himself feeling as if he had lived this story before.

End note: I hope you all have friends like Penny who help you deal with panic attacks, if you get them, like she did! If you are struggling, please reach out to someone. You can always message me, but of course professional help is usually necessary to getting you on the right path to recovery. The national suicide hotline number is 1-800-273-8255. You can contact them if you ever feel suicidal or if you ever in a state of crisis. There is also an LGBT+ Organization known as The Trevor Project (number is 1-866-488-7386) that you can call or text if you are ever struggling. Just remember that you are so loved and that it will get better. I love you guys! Carry on!


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz comes back and Simon and Baz get into a fight.

Simon was thinking about Baz when he returned. His mind was focused on the fact that the last time he’d seen him, he had asked if he remembered something that he didn’t understand. Thoughts of confusion ran through his mind. What was he supposed to know that he didn’t? 

The weather was humid when Baz came back, and storm clouds were forming outside. The wind howled, preparing to wage a war. The sun and the storm clouds fought as if they couldn’t decide who would overrule the weather.

Baz looked tired, with bags under his red, bloodshot eyes, as if he had been crying. His usually tanner skin was morbidly pale, like he had been stuck in a coffin for days, hidden from the light. And worst of all, burn marks ran up and down his arms.

“What are those?” Simon demanded.

“These? Oh, they’re nothing… I just had trouble with cooking.” Even his voice was exhausted, which made it easier for Simon to hear through his lie. 

“Don’t lie to me, Baz. I’m tired of lying.” It was true. Simon was tired of the lies, and he guessed that Baz was too. He just wanted to know what was going on with him. Was it too much to ask for the truth? 

“I’m not… I’m not lying.”

“But you’re hiding things. Isn’t that the same?” Simon hated himself for the harsh tone in his voice, but he knew that it was time they had this conversation. He was tired of the lies, and he was tired of letting Baz lie.

“I… I guess so.” His head hung as he spoke these words. His body language screamed that he was ashamed.

“Please, Baz. Just… let me in. I want to know what’s happening,” Simon begged.

“You don’t understand, Simon! I need time.”

“You’ve been saying that forever. How long is long enough?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“I don’t know if I can trust you if you won’t tell me the truth.” And there. There it was. The ugly truth.

“That’s a lie. You’ve been trusting me for a long time now.” This time, Baz’s voice was cold, seemingly meaning to inflict pain.

“Please… Just, just tell me what’s going on… I need to know,” his voice cracked. “Do you understand how anxious I get when you’re gone? Because I do. Did you know that I had to call Penny last time because I was having a panic attack and I couldn’t work?” He felt tears fill his eyes, but he blinked them back. He wouldn’t show Baz how much it hurt him.

“I… I didn’t know.” 

“It’s because I care about you. And not in a friend way. How did you not realize that?” Yet again, his voice broke. 

Baz ignored his confession. “You just… you need to be patient with me. What I’m doing is going to help both of us, Snow.”

Simon felt deja vu at the use of the nickname, but ignored it. 

The sky opened up, and rain began to fall. The pouring rain struck the roof in droves, and thunder echoed across the town. Lightning threateningly illuminated the sky darkened by clouds. As raindrops danced upon the window panes, Baz exited, letting the door swing shut behind him as he walked out into the rain. The storm had finally come, and with it, Simon felt more and more alone.

A/N: Hi! Hope you're all doing well. I'm starting high school soon, and I went to orientation today, which went well I guess. I got to sign up for the GSA, which was cool and the people seem so nice. It just seemed super welcoming and I felt so happy! I also signed up for Theatre Company, which I'm hype for, lmao. Anyways, the point is, school starts soon, so I won't be writing as much [even though I'm so bad with updating this fic]. I hope you all have really great school years (if you're starting soon)! I believe in all of you. Also shout-out to my amazing beta who wrote two of the last sentences in this! 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz comes back and they have a little chat.

Simon Snow gazed through the window of his scone shop, appreciating the beautiful weather. The pouring rain had only recently diminished; there was a rainbow now, and the clouds were white as snow, as if they had cried all of the tears they held. It was peaceful, and Simon loved peaceful weather. Yes, the rain was fun sometimes, but there was something to be said about those moments when the world felt frozen in place and the landscape made your breath catch in your throat.

He was reading a book with a turquoise cover and pink font when Baz entered the shop. He was reading, but his thoughts were roaming elsewhere. His mind always ending up drifting back to the fight yesterday. Could you even call it a fight? He didn’t really know. And most embarrassingly, he couldn’t stop thinking about the confession he had made. Baz said nothing about it, and he was unsure if that was good or bad. He had not been prepared to tell Baz about his feelings for him in… Well, he hadn’t been planning on telling him period, had he?

Baz looked depleted. His hair was a mess, and he was bent over. He walked up to the counter with his eyes staring at the floor. It was strange, considering that Simon had never seen Baz move forward without confidence.

“I’m sorry,” Simon blurted out when Baz made it up to the counter. He hadn’t planned on saying it, it had just come out. But he was sorry. He shouldn’t have said all of those things yesterday. And most importantly, he shouldn’t have forced Baz to talk about things he wasn’t ready to talk about.

“What are you sorry for? I’m the one who should be sorry.” Baz’s voice was soft, and Simon had to lean in to hear it. Again, he thought of the oddness of the situation. Yes, he had seen Baz at lows, but he had never seen him this low. He didn’t understand how a mere fight could have impacted him more than whatever he did when he was gone. But he knew that the fight had affected him too. The prior night, his mind had been racing from thought to thought so fast that it rendered him unable to succumb to the peaceful stillness of sleep.

“Yeah, but I… I shouldn’t have said that I can’t trust you… And I shouldn’t have put pressure on you to talk about things you might not want to talk about. I’m sorry,” Simon’s voice was louder than Baz’s, but it was still meak. 

“It’s… It’s okay. I’m sorry too. Can we just… can we move on?” Baz asked. He looked so small standing there in front of the counter, and Simon could have sworn he heard his own heart shatter at that very moment.

“Yeah. Moving on. That sounds good,” Simon whispered.

“But I… Simon, you need to be patient with me. What… what’s going on right now, it’s not just child's play. It’s serious, and I don’t want to involve you until I have to. I don’t want to put you in danger; that’s the last thing I want to do.”

“Okay. That’s fair.” Simon took a deep breath. He knew what he would say next might change them forever. “Listen, Baz… What I said about trust… I… I do trust you, but I want to be part of your life. I want to know what’s going on with you. I know you can’t tell me everything, but I wish you’d tell me more. I know you tell me a lot, and I’m so grateful for that, but I… It still feels like you’re hiding stuff. I’m not going to judge you. I just wanted you to know that.” Simon’s voice was tender and raw.

“You are a part of my life, though. I don’t know why you’d think otherwise. Damn it, Simon, you’re the most important person in my life.”

“You’re… you’re the most important person in my life too.”

Baz took a deep breath, and he was silent for a moment. “Simon, about what you said yesterday. I know you might not want to talk about it, but…” Simon’s heart stopped. No. No no no no no. “I… I really really like you, Simon Snow. And not… not in a friend way. I know that sounds stupid, and I don’t know how to talk about my feelings, I really don’t, but… I guess what I’m trying to say is that I care about you too.”  
Simon stood there awkwardly, blushing. He had not prepared to be met with this response.

“And now I probably ruined everything because you definitely don’t feel the same way but… I don’t know. I have to give us a shot. Will you go on a date with me tomorrow?”

Simon grinned. “Of course I will!” And so it was settled.

Author note: so yes i reuploaded this bc if yall know me at all i exude big dumb energy i do the dumbest things so my beta hadn't read over it yet but i thought they had so i uploaded but uhh i was wrong. so anyways i hope you like this. im gonna try to update more frequently now oof. (also peep the fangirl reference in the beginning bc simon is reading fangirl)


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